Falling In Love

Advance Happy Heart's Day to all!


"It is a mystery why we fall in love.
It is a mystery how it happens.
It is a mystery when it comes.
It is a mystery why some love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.
You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do anymore than take the life out of the experience.

Just as life itself is more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share.

And just as life is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift of love will come to you in full flower, and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share.

More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happens to young people, they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is gift that is freely given and a gift that just as freely, moves away.

When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong in them that makes the other person no longer love them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small things were different, love would bloom again.

They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.

You need to know this about love, and to accept it.
You need to treat what it brings you with kindness.

If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself.

There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn't choose to rest in the other person's
heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don't love her, feel honoured that love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how you deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.

If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it or to assess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing, then reach out and give it away.

Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem it poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in anyway you can. This is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but as their love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead becomes someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away..

Remember this, and keep it to your heart. Love has its own time, its own seasons, and its own reasons for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it choose to leave from your heart or from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do.

Love always has been and always will be a mystery.
Be glad that it came to live for a moment in your life.

If you keep your heart open, it will come again."

Kent Nerburn
from the book "Letters To My Son"

Out Goes The Old

In less than 15 minutes, the new year has come. Out goes 2008 with all the pains, hurts, and sad memories. Only the lessons will remain and the experiences that made me who I am right now. I'll be facing the new year as a whole new person.

Let's all face the new year with our hearts full of hope! 

Here's to a fresh start, a new beginning!

Cheers!!!

Why Some People Are Rude And Mean

They are around us. People who are so evil that they suck the happiness out of you. Like Harry's dementors, they take your life away and leave you in a state of nothingness. I'm not talking about criminals or maybe Jack the Ripper. I'm referring to the toxic people in our lives. 

There are those who are mildly toxic (cab drivers, freeloaders, rumormongers, those who elbow their way through a crowd, those who claim to be ahead of you in the check-out counter when they're really not, those who talk and giggle really loud, the bullies... yeah you get the picture). These mildly rude people can make or break your day. But they're strangers, we can't care enough so we just let it pass easily.

And then there are the really really mean people.  It would be interesting to know that some of the very mean people are a part (or have been) of our lives. They are the ones who at one point in time have given us too much heartaches. They can be very very dear to us, yet their mere presence in our lives makes living difficult. We are so tolerant of their behavior until it's way pass our breaking points. As to why they are rude and mean, I can never understand. Why would you hurt those you claim to love? Why do you have to be so uncaring and unthoughtful of their feelings? Is it a weird way of expressing your love? I'll be better off not knowing the answers. I have asked so many profound questions for the last quarter of this year and I have not settled for suitable answers, only suggestions. I can go on questioning the whys of living and no answer would be good enough for me. Sad but true.

I would offer these suggestion then about why some people we loved are rude and mean. First, they never cared for us the way we do for them - the Great Expectations. Second, they have it going so bad for them that the only way to shield us is to be rude to us. Third, they have a weird way of showing emotions. Lastly, maybe they are just plain selfish. Or then again, they must be pure evil and their hearts are made of stone (especially those who never showed any remorse for being bad).

I know I have been rude and mean as well. And before the year ends, I would like to apologize to people I care about for being the hardheaded, bratty girl that I am. Believe me when I say that all of you matter so much to me and I don't mean to be rude at all. You all deserve better treatment from me and I promise to improve on it.

If there's one thing I've learned, we can be so tolerant and forgiving of rude and mean people who matter to us - but not too much that they fail to see the error of their ways. Being mean is very human, but to correct our actions reveal our true and good selves. Being nice is difficult especially if the circumstances dictate otherwise. However, whatever comes our way, being rude and mean is not the way to go. 

Of course, there are exceptions. Some people are so ridiculously bad that it would take another lifetime for them to be nice. I feel sorry for them.

Unfortunately, I crossed paths with one of them. 

Thankfully, I got out just in time.